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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27667979">How Do I Love Thee?</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/nimrod262/pseuds/nimrod262'>nimrod262</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Biohazard | Resident Evil (Gameverse)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Browning - Freeform, Cerberus - Freeform, Claire mention, Deuce of Hearts, Iambic Pentameter, Jill mention, Josh Slay mention, M/M, Nivanfield, Nivanfield writing, Shakespeare, Sonnets, That e-mail, how to say i love you, it’s not always easy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 23:07:23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,072</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27667979</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/nimrod262/pseuds/nimrod262</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Chris and Piers love each other, but they’ve never put it into words.  Can sonnets by Browning and Shakespeare help?  Apparently not, as things seem to go from verse to worse.  With Chris caught on the back foot, will he find the right words?  And will Piers accept them?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Piers Nivans/Chris Redfield</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>How Do I Love Thee?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This one-off is set in my ‘usual’ AU, probably in 2016, after Chris and Piers have returned from their second visit to Edonia, and Piers' Cerberus training program has restarted.  It references the famous e-mail sent by Piers to Claire Redfield in canon.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>A restful calm had settled inside the <em>Deuce of Hearts</em>. Piers was sat on the sofa, reading a book, whilst Chris stretched out, his head resting on Piers’ lap. He was also reading, well, looking at the cartoons …</p><p>Earlier, they had been for their early morning ‘fartlek’, a blend of endurance and speed running. They would jog and run the two miles up to the <em>Seven of Clubs</em> roadside gate, sprinting every hundred yards or so. Then run back past their home to the <em>Four of Diamonds</em> gate into the BSAA base, a mile in the other direction.  Chris would run backwards every so often, much to Ruff’s amusement. But it was good practice for melee fighting. The big German Shepherd would race alongside, then playfully dart 'in front’ of his No.2 Dad, trying to trip him up. Sometimes he succeeded …</p><p>“Can’t you control your dog?” Chris would shout out huffily.</p><p>“Heh, heh! How come he’s always my dog when it’s you he’s annoying?”</p><p>“Grrr!”</p><p>“Woof!”</p><p>“Not you, him!”</p><p>“Woof?”</p><p>Afterwards, they’d 'made-out’ under the shower, exalting in their fitness and love for one another. Then, whilst Chris prepared breakfast, Piers fed and tended to Ruff. And so, replete in body and mind, they settled on the sofa for their Sunday morning quiet time. The one time in the week where they allowed themselves to relax. Claire and Martha, Piers’ mother, knew not to phone, and friends knew not to visit. Chris and Piers didn’t ask for a lot in their hectic lives, but this time was precious to them, and jealously guarded.</p><p>Piers sat at his usual end of the ivory colored sofa, nearest the window. It gave him both light for reading and a commanding view of the approach to the house. 'Choose your ground’ was a military tactic instilled in him over the years. His right hand idly stroked Chris’ disheveled brown hair, whilst his left held a red bound book. A Collection of Classical Romantic Verse, by Dr Ann Struther. Chris was chuckling his way through the jokes page of their Sunday paper. Ruff lay on the rug next to the sofa, contentedly dreaming his doggy dreams. A quiet peace reigned over the <em>Deuce of Hearts</em>. It was a peace begging to be broken.</p><p>
  <b>************************</b>
</p><p>Chris had now finished the cartoon section, and was about to start on the sports pages. In the interval he looked up from his paper. “What ya’ reading there Ace?”</p><p>“Romantic Verses.”</p><p>“Versus who?” Chris was gearing up for sports reading.</p><p>“Vers<em>e</em>s Bear! With an 'e’. Prose, poetry, sonnets.”</p><p>“Sonnets?”</p><p>“Yeah, the classics, Shakespeare, Browning …”</p><p>“I didn’t know you were into that stuff.”</p><p>“You told me to.”</p><p>“I did?” This was an intriguing turn of events, Chris put his paper down. “When?”</p><p>“Mmm, when I was preparing the syllabus for the Cerberus program. You said it was lacking in the humanities, that you wanted our recruits to be more than just automatons, you wanted them to be more rounded, to think about things as well as just doing them…”</p><p>“And you did change it. Even Command liked it.”</p><p>“Heh, heh, that was a first. Anyway, I decided I needed to brush up on things myself, art, music, the classics. I was in danger of becoming that automaton myself …”</p><p>“Never! You always think about others first, you were never simply point and go, not like me.”</p><p>“Don’t do yourself down Chris. Who saw the need for it in the first place? You.”</p><p>“Ha! Only because I knew what I was like!”</p><p>“You’ve changed.”</p><p>“And I’ve got you to thank for it. Now, lower your head.”</p><p>“Why?”</p><p>“So I can give you a kiss … mwahh … there. Thank you.”</p><p>“You’re welcome.”</p><p>“Um, so what exactly is a sonnet?”</p><p>“It’s a particular form of iambic pentameter.”</p><p>“Ah!”</p><p>“Fourteen lines, a formal rhyme scheme, with matched close-outs …”</p><p>“Of course.”</p><p>“ … ten syllables per line, in five pairs, each pair having the stress laid on the second sylla …”</p><p>“Ok, Ok! I get it! It’s posh English.”</p><p>“It’s not 'posh’ Chris. It’s very disciplined. Didn’t you take English Literature at school?”</p><p>“No, I bunked off.”</p><p>“You bunked off? School?”</p><p>“Only those things I didn’t need to learn for the Air Force Academy. I used the time to go and keep an eye on Claire, making sure she was settled in class and keeping up with her own studies.”</p><p>“Whilst you bunked off? I suppose there’s a strange logic there.”</p><p>“Hey, I was going to Colorado, not West Point! It was different back then.”</p><p>“Back in the stone age?”</p><p>“Grrr!”</p><p>“Things are certainly different now, look at Josh Slay, he’s newer ex-Air Force.”</p><p>“Slaybell? Hmm, he’s a damn good pilot. But I wouldn’t go so far as to say he was well versed in English Literature. Ha! See what I did there? His Anglo-Saxon is pretty good though.”</p><p>“Perhaps we should put him through Cerberus then?”</p><p>“No! You’ll be wanting to put me through it next.”</p><p>“Now there’s an idea. If Colonel Valentine could do it …”</p><p>“Pah! Like you would have failed her.”</p><p>“She only did the classroom part, that’s all you’d need to do. I know you’d pass the physical if this morning’s shower room scene was anything to go by.”</p><p>“Ha! If you’ve got it, flaunt it!”</p><p>“Heh, heh. You certainly did that. Who needs a loofah with you about?”</p><p>“Don’t try and get around me with flattery! My classroom days are over.”</p><p>“Too old to learn?”</p><p>“Oi! You’re not so old that I couldn’t put you across my knee!”</p><p>“But we were talking about you Babe.”</p><p>“Well, you could put me across your knee then … no, wait, that’s not right either …”</p><p>“Sounds like fun, later on perhaps. Can I get back to my sonnets for now?” Piers saw Chris’ confusion as a means of getting back to his book, but Chris had other ideas.</p><p>“Read me one. A romantic sonnet.”</p><p>“Now?”</p><p>“Hmm, why not?”</p><p>“Ok, let’s see now, ah, yes, here it is. This is one of my favorites, How Do I Love Thee? by Elisabeth Barrett Browning. It sums up how I feel about you.”</p><p>“Ha! Her name sounds like a poem just by its self.”</p><p>“She was a Romantic.”</p><p>“Oh? Like me then?”</p><p>“Um, yeah. I’ll just read it shall I?</p><p>
  <em>How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.<br/>I love thee to the depth and breadth and height<br/>My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight<br/>For the ends of being and ideal grace.<br/>I love thee to the level of every day’s<br/>Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light.<br/>I love thee freely, as men strive for right.<br/>I love thee purely, as they turn from praise.<br/>I love thee with the passion put to use<br/>In my old griefs, and with my childhood’s faith.<br/>I love thee with a love I seemed to lose<br/>With my lost saints. I love thee with the breath,<br/>Smiles, tears, of all my life; and, if God choose,<br/>I shall but love thee better after death.</em>
</p><p>"Gah! Oh Piers, that was beautiful, apart from the death bit. I love that line, 'I love you freely, as men strive for right’. That’s us, isn’t it? The BSAA. All those different ways. You really love me that much?”</p><p>“I do. Always have, always will. You know that.”</p><p>“Sniff. I don’t know if I deserve it. Those words were so deep. I wish I could express myself in words like that. I’m just dumb ol’ Bearfield.”</p><p>“No, you just express yourself through your deeds, not your words, that’s all. I bet you didn’t bunk off gym at school, right?”</p><p>“You bet! Top of the class, Captain of the wrestling team …”</p><p>“You never said.”</p><p>“I’ve never felt the need.”</p><p>“Handsome, and modest too. Oh, let me count the ways I love thee Captain.”</p><p>“Don’t, you’ll embarrass me. Read me another one, please?”</p><p>“Alright, some serious sonnet writing now, one of Shakespeare’s I think, Sonnet No. 18.”</p><p>“What’s it called?”</p><p>“Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day? He has his own special style, three quatrains and a couplet.”</p><p>“Ya’ gotta’ have those train thingies!”</p><p>“Exactly! It’s addressed to a handsome youth.”</p><p>“Oh, like you? Um, was Shakespeare, you know, gay then?”</p><p>“Er, no, I don’t think so Babe. It’s actually quite ironical, Shakespeare intends the description of the young man contained in the sonnet to be immortalized, not the young man himself. And the description is not actually about the youth, rather it’s describing summer. See?”</p><p>“No, but don’t let that stop you. Irony eh? No wonder you like it. I hope it sounds better when it’s read.”</p><p>“Ahem, Sonnet 18 …</p><p>
  <em>Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day?<br/>Thou art more lovely and more temperate:<br/>Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May,<br/>And summer’s lease hath all too short a date:<br/>Sometime too hot the eye of heaven shines,<br/>And often is his gold complexion dimmed;<br/>And every fair from fair sometime declines,<br/>By chance, or nature’s changing course, untrimmed:<br/>But thy eternal summer shall not fade,<br/>Nor lose possession of that fair thou ow’st;<br/>Nor shall Death brag thou wander’st in his shade<br/>When in eternal lines to time thou grow’st:<br/>So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,<br/>So long lives this, and this gives life to thee.</em>
</p><p>… there, what did you think?”</p><p>“I’m not sure. It’s kinda morbid. The young man’s gonna’ loose his looks and die. Oh Piers, I don’t want to think about that! Gah! I can feel myself tearing up.”</p><p>Piers brushed Chris’ hair softly to calm him. “Hush now Babe, it’s only words. But the youth and his looks will live on in those words, as long as men can breathe and read. That’s the real message.”</p><p>“So I need to write a sonnet about you?”</p><p>“Heh, heh! Don’t worry. There’s enough been written about us.”</p><p>“Mostly lies in the press! Dammed vultures” Chris muttered darkly.</p><p>“Even so, I think we’ll be remembered.”</p><p>“Is it important to you? To be remembered? I want the BSAA to be remembered, and your part in it. You’ve never got the recognition you deserve. That hurts.”</p><p>“I’ve got all I ever wanted Babe, you.”</p><p>“Doesn’t seem like enough sometimes. Why me?”</p><p>“How do I love thee?”</p><p>“You’ve never actually said.”</p><p>“You’ve never actually asked. Oh Chris, let me count the ways.”</p><p>“The sex?”</p><p>“No, that’s only a part of it. I find you physically attractive, sexy, I won’t deny it. But I love you for so much more than that.”</p><p>“You could write a sonnet. You said it takes discipline, well, you got plenty of that. On the team, in the classroom … in our bedroom.”</p><p>“I didn’t mean THAT sort of discipline, Bear!”</p><p>“Ha! I’m just teasin’ you. I know what you meant. Like you show in your sniping, your fieldcraft, in your personal standards. That kinda’ thing, yes?”</p><p>“Yes, that’s right. The same sort of discipline you used to show, in controlling your emotions, hiding your true feelings, your pain and your grief. You didn’t know it was bad for you. You were just trying to hold yourself together the only way you knew how.”</p><p>“I’m getting better, with your help. And Claire’s. Who’d have thought she’d turn the tables on me?”</p><p>“Me for one, heh, heh.” Piers chuckled</p><p>“You did? When?”</p><p>“After that first time I met her officially, when she visited the base and gave that talk to the boys. She didn’t need my help in keeping them under control.”</p><p>“Let me guess, Andy and Carl?”</p><p>“They were the chief culprits, amongst others. Didn’t she ever tell you?”</p><p>“No, she just said it was refreshing to be treated like a woman for once and not a china doll wrapped in tissue paper. I wondered at the time what she meant. I thought she was probably just getting at me.”</p><p>“Yeah, she probably was. Even so, I still e-mailed her, to thank her. I called her Ma'am, what a dork!”</p><p>“What did you say?”</p><p>“I tried to explain that the boys weren’t used to having such a vivacious person visit.”</p><p>“They were used to Jill.”</p><p>“Um, I think they were scared of Jill. But they loved Claire. Like they loved you.”</p><p>“Ha! She’s a chip of the old block, like Ma. The apples never fall far from the tree.”</p><p>“I loved her too. I could see where she got her strength from. But she showed it, whilst you hid yours. That’s one of the things I loved about you back then. You had this tremendous physical presence, strong, enduring, loyal, but at the same time you had this vulnerability. You were modest, self-deprecating, shy almost. Most people thought you were just naturally taciturn. But I saw beneath that. Claire wouldn’t have been Claire without your influence, your guidance. That sparkling personality was just as much yours, but you let her shine, and hid yours away. Because you thought it might make you look weak. And you had to be strong, for her, and for yourself.”</p><p>“You always did have keen eyesight Ace. You sussed me out, huh?”</p><p>“Not all at once, I pieced it together, bit by bit. And everything I discovered just made me love you even more. You were broken, and it was my job to fix you.”</p><p>“And am I fixed now do you think?”</p><p>“You want the truth?”</p><p>“Yes. Always from you.”</p><p>“Not quite. You never will be. You’ve seen and experienced too much in your life for one man to bear. Which doesn’t mean I’m giving up on you. It’s going to be a lifetime’s labor of love. And I love that about you too.”</p><p>“You do?”</p><p>“Your ability to continuously delight, and surprise me. You have so many layers, so much depth. I want to discover and explore them all. And the best thing is, you’re my guide on this never ending journey of discovery and exploration. That’s what love is in my sonnet. The two of us journeying through life together. The physical, the emotional, the spiritual Enjoying the good, facing the bad. Not some pick-an-mix, but the whole package.”</p><p>“Bless you Piers. I know I’ve said it before, but I don’t deserve you.”</p><p>“Well you’ve got me now, so you’d better get used to it … Mwah!”</p><p>“I’ll try … Mwaahh! Ha! So, how are you going to put that in a sonnet?”</p><p>“I can’t. Fourteen lines are simply not enough to describe the ways I love you. I don’t have the discipline.”</p><p>“You could write a story, the truth.”</p><p>“No, <em>we</em> could write a story. And who knows? Perhaps one day we will.”</p><p>
  <b>************************</b>
</p><p>It was only later, when they lay in bed that night, wrapped in each other’s arms, that Piers eyes suddenly opened wide.</p><p>“Babe!”</p><p>“Huh? W,what is it? Are you OK?” Are you cold?“</p><p>"You never told me.”</p><p>“Told you what?”</p><p>“Why you love me.”</p><p>“Ah!”</p><p>“Ah? AH! I told you why I love you!”</p><p>“Well, it’s the same then. You know, we two as one, Sword and Shield.”</p><p>“No it’s not! We’re very different personalities.”</p><p>“I thought you said we were two sides of the same coin?”</p><p>“That means different! Come on, tell me. You do love me don’t you? Or is it just the sex?”</p><p>“Er …”</p><p>“OMG, Christopher! It is just the sex!”</p><p>“Well, I love you for your sniping skills of course. That goes without saying.”</p><p>“Then why did you? What else?”</p><p>“You’re great at admin, much better than me, I love that.”</p><p>“So it’s my paperwork you love, not me at all!”</p><p>“Um, your the best N0.2 I’ve ever had. The boys love you.”</p><p>“Do <em>you</em> love me?”</p><p>“Of course I do! Is that enough for fourteen lines yet?”</p><p>“You’ve barely got enough for a title!”</p><p>“Piers! You know I’m no good with words, you said so yourself this morning. I just choke up when I try and find the right ones, especially when it concerns you. My brain freezes and my heart goes boom boom boom, my knees go weak, I start to sweat …</p><p>"That’s another four lines, go on.”</p><p>“Look, I’m no Browning or Shakespeare. I’m a Redfield. I don’t have the fancy, rhyming words. So this comes from my heart, not my head. That horrible day in 2013. You saved my life Piers, at the cost of your own. How could I not love you? For the very fact you thought I was worth saving. How could I not love you? When I was on the point of giving up, you made me realize I still had a job to do, how could I not love you? When you came back to me from the dead, you answered my prayers. How could I not love you? You saved me, you saved everything I believed in, you saved the world. How could I not love you?” Chris’ chest heaved with the emotion. “I love you Piers Nivans, I love you …” Chris sobbed. “… Gah, I don’t know what else to say.”</p><p>“Oh my dear sweet Captain, you just said it all, beautifully. Not disciplined, line by line, rhyme by rhyme, like some mechanical process, but raw, unstructured, with all the emotion and physicality that comes from life. From real life, not the dusty pages of some scholar’s book. It was you, it was perfect.” Piers wrapped his arms around the love of his life. “Hush now Babe, dry those tears. I shouldn’t have pushed you earlier. I’m so, so, sorry. I’d no idea that was all pent-up inside you. Thank you for telling me. I feel honored, I feel …” Piers struggled to find the right word, but Chris had already found it.</p><p>“Loved?”</p><p>“Yes, that’s it. Loved.”</p><p>“Sniff! I’m glad that’s settled. Look, I don’t think we need to know the hows or the whys of our love Ace. We just need to know it is. Oh, and you officially have my permission to stop further reading of the classics.”</p><p>“I do?”</p><p>“Absolutely, I can’t stand all the drama. Can we just lie here and enjoy the silence?”</p><p>“Heh, heh. Ok Babe, deal.”</p><p>“Besides, I’m all out of love words for now.”</p><p>“Me too. But I can show you how I do love thee, if you’ll let me.”</p><p>“I don’t know …”</p><p>“Please? You alway say actions speak louder than words.”</p><p>“Hmm, I do don’t I? Alright then, go on, show me …”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Sir Ruffington III is a character created by RedfieldandNivans.  Cerberus is the idea of Theosymphany.  My thanks for their use guys.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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